Like the Celtic Hero Braveheart – I (and you perhaps), survived much of our earlier lives, for very fact, we did not surrender.
However, external battles are one thing, but what about the interior life that feels, well unacceptable? We cannot simply ‘be with it’, we cannot ‘let it go’ – because it’s too bloody painful! I’m talking about untenable depression, anxiety, physical and emotional pain.
To fight is in our evolutionary wiring. We are also socially conditioned to battle-on when ‘things go wrong’ aren’t we? Fight illness, fight sadness, even fight our weight.
The war of this, the war of that …..
Aren’t you tired yet? I am!
Perhaps, at a certain point, the wise move is to lay down the sword?
One of the most powerful Buddhist teaching stories is that of Malarepa and the battle with his demons; ie all the unwanted parts of himself.
These inner demons were ransacking his cave, causing havoc and he could not get them to leave. He tried everything, educating the little bastards, reasoning, pleading, bribes, threats, and anger.
Exasperated he says ‘okay, looks like none of us is going anywhere, so let’s live together’. At this point, all but one of the demons left. But this one was a vicious little sucker and he just laughed in Malarepa’s face.
So Malarepa was done. He had exhausted all possible options, except the one that felt like a death. (which actually, it is of sorts).
He walks right up to the demon and puts his head in the mouth and says ‘right then – kill me now if you want to’.
And the demon just up and left.
I’ve tried this a number of times with deep depression that won’t leave – it’s the ‘okay kill me now’ moment. The ultimate surrender. There is no-where else to go. And it’s very powerful.
…….. course the demon-sucker comes back another day …… but that’s okay, this stuff is like a muscle – we get stronger the more we use it.
There is more to say on this subject and subtleties to explore. Why not sign up for my newsletter and free mini booklets that are in the pipeline.
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Very important, please don’t suffer alone. Go to your GP and contact various resources like The Samaritans (they’re lovely!), Mind and Rethink. We are all in this shit-show and yet most wonderful life, together!